Miss me? You won't soon, because you are about to have so much slackmistress shoved down your throat you're gonna choke on it. That's right! CHOKE ON IT, BITCHES!
Wait, where were we?
Oh, yes: The Oscars. You might have put on a fancy dress and walked the red carpet. Me, I put on jeans and a t-shirt and drank beer while hanging out on Twitter. Here are some of my favorites from my Oscars live-tweet.
1. Make more corny sex jokes. I CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN.
2. Do more public speaking. I would love to. I actually LIKE speaking in public. Mostly because I'm insane, but also because I'm someone who loves to perform but it shy about doing so, so participating on panels and gving short talks feeds my insane ego.
3. Get back on BetheMarriage. This is something I've been thinking about as well. But if it comes back, I need it to be better. Different. And the brainspace that is required is being rented out for various other opportunities. But I swear, it's on the table.
And that's it. Maybe you've resolved to participate more, but it's really my fault. Emails have been pouring in by the tens asking me where I am. One of my resolutions is always is to write more, and in this case, it's been happening. Just not here.
I think a lot about the buffet of social media options, what I use and why.
Twitter I use to be a smartass and fine-tune my very rusty comedy skills (as a result, you can also now find me on WitStream!), as well as socialize with my friends.
Facebook I use to keep tabs on my friends and see if ex-friends have gotten fat. SHUT UP WE ALL DO IT.
The Slack Daily I use when I have something that's longer than a thought and a punchline.
...
So I haven't been around much, because I've been using those thoughts and punchlines (just add character + story) to my WRITINGwriting which is the stuff I'm being paid (or will eventually be paid) to do.
I'm writing more.
I've been prioritizing that over things like sunlight, food, sleep and personal hygiene. Ripped right from the headlines of Sheila E's "Glamorous Life."
I've always wanted to be a Warren Ellis, or my new friend Chuck Wendig (I call him a friend because I think that's what you call someone with whom you discuss hobo handjobs over Skype, yes?) who churn out words (good words, at that) at an impressive rate. But one doesn't turn into Warren Ellis overnight - there's simply not enough whisky. However, inventing the termpudding-fucking insane is a start.
So that's where I've been, and that's what I'm doing.
The point is, my darlings, I'm always somewhere. And you're always welcome to find me. (ON THE INTERNET YOU PERVS.)
I've been vocal about my thoughts regarding how Hollywood - writers, specifically - have been slow to investigate new technologies. While all of these new technologies and tools can be opportunities for new ways to tell stories, they can also be a way to take the temperature of an audience - sometimes one that you weren't even aware that you had.
I'm always shocked at who follows me on Twitter. Right before Christmas, I was absolutel delighted to discover this in my inbox:
It made me reconsider posting about Daisy's flatulence and the nasty rash on my ankle from my air cast.
Last night I was watching Men of a Certain Age, a show that I season pass. I realize I'm not the target audience, but I love Andre Braugher, Scott Bakula, and it's nice to see Raymond finally gettin' some. The writing is good, and although I find their female to be a bit one-dimensional (except for Owen's wife, Melissa), I appreciate the fact that they're creating entertainment for a demographic that has a tendency to be forgotten. And while I'm not in that demographic, I appreciate good storytelling.
But I'm also a smartass. Last night, I posted this after the show:
A few moments later, this showed up in my mentions column:
That's Mike Royce, Co-Creator & Executive Producer of Men Of a Certain Age.
I exlained that I liked last night's episode, that I was being a smartass, but that I fet the women were a little one-dimensional. However, I also said that I understand that the show is MEN of a Certain Age, and that the TV process is a bit like a hot dog factory: there's a lot of pieces that go into creating the perfect all-beef frank. I've spent plenty of years in the TV Writing Mines not to know this.
When I was working on MTV's Savage County, I had a few vocal detractors on Twitter, but instead of getting offended or huffy, I pressed them to discover what could I have done better? That's what makes me a better writer, a better creator, and in the end creates more fans.
If I found out that Mike Royce was on Twitter and didn't respond to anyone, I wouldn't think much of it. And yes, it's easy to respond to fans of your work. The fact that he chose to engage with someone who was being a smartass by not being a smartass is a classy move, and one that I hope that all creators - not just TV - will take advantage of.