the slack daily

According to this Photo...

(Photo Credit: Glenn B.)

...Santa should bring me everything I want this year.

Dear Santa:

All I want is a writing gig. Or a series of regular small writing gigs. I seem to still be riding Captain Platonic's coattails. I've been applying to everything under the sun, sending out pitches, the pilot is (hopefully) being read by (Former Boss) and I've got a list of projects to complete that's a mile (okay, six items) long.

I know there's plenty of people who are asking for the same thing, Santa. But it appears I let you cop a feel. So let's pony up with the goods before Mrs. Claus sees these, mmmkay?

Loveyoumeanit,

the slackmistress

Edited to add: More blackmail material, Santa. Just sayin'.

Wednesday, Quickly...

Another one of those not-post posts:

1.  Why were these not available when I was mailing thank-you cards for the wedding?

(Via Laughing Squid.)

2. If I do not have an opportunity to buy and wear this dress, I will die.

(From Les Habitudes.)

3.  The starting lineup for Puppy Bowl IV has been announced!

(Via my husband's Twitter.)

Things I Don't Really Need.

1. Ty Murray's Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge.

Note to Stephen Baldwin: Just because you found God doesn't mean that you should taunt the guy, or you might find him sooner than you think.   Isn't Leif Garrett and Vanilla Ice on one show overkill?  Odds on Nitro FTW.

2.  Naked photos of me on the Internet. 

I know that my nom de plume is a wee bit saucy, but outside of a love of boots, fishnets, and the occasional low-cut dress, I manage to stay firmly planted in a PG-13-to-R-rated Universe - in public.  I like the idea of making my nerd bits sexy, but I like to show a little and imply a lot.  Of course, you never know what's going to get people off, so any photo is Possible Wank Material, but my personal mantra is the only person who should have photos of me flashing the goods on his computer is the husband.  As I once told Will, I don't care that you have pictures of naked women on your hard drive, just as long as they're not ex-girlfriends or people you know.  I think it's a good rule to live by.  Reasonable, non?

3. These shoes.

It's not like I dress up for work - quite the opposite.  I'm either camped out on the couch in my PJs, or I'm behind the desk in sneakers and jeans (and a shirt, people, didn't you read point number two?)  It's not like I'm toddling off to the Emmys (although I have no fewer than four outfits ready at a moment's notice)  or working as a secretary to a balding insurance agent in 1946.   I was born sans biological clock but my shoe-fu runs strong...

Checkit.

I'm going to be heading off to the gym and then training a good friend this afternoon, so I shan't be around much.  But as Mr. Boy checks obsessively to see if I update (hi, handsome!) I thought I'd leave you with a few thoughts swirling around my cerebral cortex before I get sucked down the rabbit hole today.

1. Nice Tits is now the number one search term for this blog, with most searches coming from places like Germany, the Netherlands, and Argentina.  However, such a search brings up this post and not, I'm imagining, what they were looking for.  I'm shocked that in this day and age that people are inputting (hee) such general search terms to find the naughty goods.  Don't they know you have to be specific with your requests, asking for retard sex or how to make a paper cup vagina? 

However, I do feel slightly guilty that these new readers (they stick around for the single post, and occasionally check out a videoblog to see if I flash the goods) that I almost feel like I should.  Y'know, flash the goods.  But I do have still have my nipple slip picture up on my flickr.  If you're too lazy/busy to look through flickr, I give you this drunken photo of Mr. Boy and I from the Mediabistro Blogger party:

2. Speaking of videoblogs, Mr. Boy told me last night that when I'd videoblog a party (meaning that other people would be featured) he'd fast forward through those parts until I came back on the screen.  I still don't think he understands how much I love that. 

3. Speaking of videoblogs, part two: Mr. Boy popped his videoblog cherry!  Sure, he doesn't even mention me and talks about some other girl's blog but hey, it was his first time out.  (But you should all read Leah's blog 'cause she's smart and writes well and stuff.)

4. We have selected wedding rings.  I know this is incredibly exciting to all of you.  I had a very generous offer from a good friend where I would have ended up with a spectacular ring, but I just couldn't accept.  I've been thinking about this a lot.  Yes, I'll wear my ring every day but I just didn't want to spend a ton of money as there's other things we need to pay off.  It's more of a symbolic thing, anyway. Thankfully, Mr. Boy was on the same page.  However, I still do love and covet this ring.

5. We get married five weeks from today.  Eeeeep.

Oh. Em. Gee.

Recent occurrences of OMG:

Mr. Boy Wins: Mr. Boy beat out 26 other players to win Game 6 of last night's 4th Street Poker Tour. Supposedly next week they're invited to bring a date, but since I'm only good at taking money from people who don't know how to play poker at all, I doubt I shall be attending.

Sex on Two Wheels: This makes me all tingly.

Of course Los Angeles + Scooter = Phenomenally Bad Idea. And alas, I no longer have thousands of dollars of cash just burning a hole in my pocket. But still. Lust.

Because the Next Big Purchase: The next lump sum will be spent on our wedding rings. I know, weird. This is what I want, but of course there are no prices anywhere so it may just be pie-in-the-sky. I figure if I don't have to pilfer precious metals from the mouth of dead ex-cons then I should just be happy with what I can get.

Hell Hath Frozen Over: Daisy slipped and fell in the driveway yesterday. On a patch of ice.

Your turn...

All I Want For Christmas...

Last year, Santa was pretty damned good to me.

From my parents, I got the gift of two front teeth:

Sadly it wasn't buy one, get one free so I had to shell out the cash for the other two, but the veneers? Totally worth it. And the final part of the whole braces-jaw surgery-bite correction saga.

From A. I got a trip to French Polynesia. Sure, the trip ended with us breaking up, but seriously. French Freaking Polynesia.

I'm sort of embarrassed looking back over the past few years of how much stuff I had. And still have. My parents keep asking me what I want, what I need this year and I can't come up with anything except a new digital camera, as my current one is nearly five years old.

But old habits die hard, and I find myself slightly wanty. Like this scarf. Or these shoes. I'm almost thankful that they don't have this dress in red in my size. And of course, a new digital camera.

But honestly, the one thing I wanted for Christmas I've already got. A nice, hot boy who brings me coffee in bed.

This morning. And I am wearing panties, I swear.

Santa, you can skip me this year. I have a feeling it's already going to be the Best Christmas, Ever.

Unplugged and Wanton.

I unplugged for about six hours yesterday. No internet, no cell phone, no TV. Just me and a journal and some music and a book. I made my list of things I've done and things I need to do and things I just need to get over. To quote Mr. P. once again, if you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. So I sat down with a Veruca-like insistence and figured it out, so to speak. Of course, I don't know necessarily how to make any of these things happen, but I have a list. And that does my little anal-retentive heart good.

Speaking of the heart, how much do I heart Will and his creepy stalker poem he wrote me? Of course, there's a story behind it, but it's more fun this way. Of course, Mr. Boy was an utter delight. Whiskey was consumed and the OMG-I-Can't-Write-About-It stories came out. No, it wasn't a date. I mean, his blog is way more popular than mine. How would I handle the jealousy? And my mind is otherwised occupied at the moment. But he is charming and witty and decidedly unstalkerlike. So get your applications in now!

Back to wanty: I crave this shirt.

Also: I think it's time for a new haircolor. Stay tuned.

Edited to add: Dammit, I missed this. I may have to wander down and check it out. (Hat-tip: AngelCityBlues!)