the slack daily

Help Us, Help (WFM)U

There's one week left in the WFMU pledge drive and they're barely halfway to their goal. Unless you've been hiding under a rock - a BIG rock - you know that WFMU is near and dear to our hearts. Tom Scharpling, Jon Wurster, Evan Funk Davies, Terre T, Mike and Therese make our Internet World a happier place.

While Will has already made a pledge on behalf of our household (including Daisy J. Dog) but I got a magic WGA envelope this week (thank you, Italy, for continuing to air Lizzie McGuire!)

So help us, and you help WFMU.

Last Saturday BetheMarriage podcast is available for download on iTunes.

What does this have to do with the WFMU marathon? you ask.

For each review you leave on the BetheMarriage podcast I will donate $1 to the WFMU marathon...up to $100.

CLICK HERE & IT WILL OPEN iTUNES AND TAKE YOU TO THE SHOW PAGE. SCROLL DOWN TO CUSTOMER REVIEWS AND CLICK ON "WRITE A REVIEW."

But wait! There's MORE!

If we receive over 75 reviews before The Best Show on WFMU airs tomorrow (at 5pm PST/8pm EST) I will make my donation then, which will qualify me for Scharpling's DJ Premium. Since Will has already donated, we have a Best Show DJ Premium.

So I will give the second premium away to one of our lucky reviewers!

If we do not receive 75 reviews by tomorrow, we will be making our pledge on Terre T's Cherry Blossom Clinic on Saturday, March 13, the day before the marathon officially ends.

Of course, if you want to make a donation to WFMU on your own (and thank you to those dear friends of ours who already have!), there's a handy web form right here. 

The Best Show on WFMU with Tom Scharpling
The Evan Funk Davies Show
The Cherry Blossom Clinic with Terre T
The Therese Show

In Which the Slackmistress Helps You Spend Your Money. You're Welcome.

It's Friday, which means for some of us, we're on a crash course heading toward the weekend. (Some of us are unemployed, so we only know it's a weekend because we saw our husband was wearing jeans to work today.)

Now if I was you - I'm not, but I'm pretty good at getting inside your head. Not my entire self inside your head, mind you, because my entire body inside your head would probably break a few laws of physics, even though any part of me being inside your head would break other laws of physics. But we're ignoring those last laws.

So here I am, inside your head, ignoring a specific amount of physics to do so and you're WELCOME, by the way, because I think I could be arrested by the Physics Police, not that there are Physics Police but if there were they probably dress like Albert Einstein. Also, I think I could outrun them, but there's not a lot of room to hide inside your head, so I gotta get this out, like quick.

I'm inside your head and you are thinking to yourself (because we can't think to other people yet. Some say this is a pity and to those people I say it's probably a very good thing you cannot see my thoughts) you are thinking,

SELF, I WOULD LIKE TO SPEND MONEY THIS WEEKEND, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD SPEND IT ON.

And here comes the Slackmistress to the rescue, because I have not one not two, but THREE THINGS worthy of your cash this weekend. (And subsequent weekends hereafter, should you not be available to spend money this weekend.)

1. The Book of Right and Wrong by award-winning author Matt Debenham

The Book of Right and Wrong is currently available for pre-order for $24.95, but it's actually $19.95. So you've ALREADY saved five dollars. And you have to spend money to save money. Not only is Mr. Debenham an award-winning author, but if you follow him on Twitter, you know he's an incredibly funny, smart guy. So imagine an ENTIRE BOOK of this. It's a bargain at any price. And if you pre-order, he'll not only throw in a signed bookplate but a picture drawn by one of his kids. (I personally would charge extra for this, but Matt's a nicer guy than I am.) Imagine how smart you're going to look with The Book of Right and Wrong in your house. Right? RIGHT.

2. The Brutalist Bricks by Ted Leo & the Pharmacists

It's no secret that the Mister and I are huge fans of Ted Leo. And even though I hit on him by accident on Twitter last year, he seems to have forgiven me. Or completely forgotten who I am. Either way, it's a win-win. The Shorty Award Winner and genuinely nice human being not only has his new album available for pre-order on Matador, but he's playing an all-ages show at the Troubadour on March 27th. This is not a show to be missed. Ted Leo & the Pharmacists will rock your faces off. So if you're in the mood for some of the best rock-n-roll on the planet PLUS a new face, you'd better jump on those tickets NOW.

3. The Thrilling Adventure Hour at the Largo.

Written by the funny, charming, and soon-to-be-incredibly-famous-so-you-can-know-them-when duo of Ben Acker and Ben Blacker, this take on the radio play is a sincere delight. It premieres in its new location at the Largo this evening, and tickets may still be available. So come! Enjoy! See us and buy us drinks! Everyone wins!

Let's face it: you're going to spend money this weekend. And the things you're going to spend it on - like Kit Kats, your electric bill, and that gym membership that you never use - are dumb! (Okay, Kit Kats aren't dumb. I APOLOGIZE, KIT KATS!) So why not spend your money on stuff that's awesome?

And because I love you (except the ones who aren't wearing pants. Please put some pants on! Then I will love you!), I will provide you with something free. That's right, entertainment at no additional charge.

Tomorrow night's BetheMarriage LIVE! (On Ice!) comes to you over the InterTubes at 5pm for the cost of ZERO DOLLARS. Just tune in at 5pm tomorrow at Ustream. Can make it? Don't want to look at our ugly mugs? Then you can subscribe and download the podcast on iTunes.

YOU. ARE. WELCOME.

(Wo)Man About Town.

Where will I be this week when I'm not here?

Saturday nights at 5pm PST you can find me (with my delightful husband) sharing a cocktail and story on our weekly show BetheMarriage LIVE! (On Ice.)

Can't make it Saturday? Then by the following Monday (or Tuesday) you can find the BetheMarriage podcast on iTunes. Go on. Subscribe. Leave a comment. You know you want to. (Don't have iTunes? Then you can check it out here.)

Tuesday night I can be found somewhere tethered to the computer, listening to The Best Show on WFMU. (You can even follow its host, Tom Scharpling, on Twitter.) If you're still up for some auditory stimulation, check out Evan "Funk" Davies Show. (Or even follow him on Twitter.)

Thursday night at 7:30pm PST, I'll be joining some friends while we watch Acker & Blacker's Thrilling Adventure Hour, which streams live on The Room Live. Check it out! It's FREE. 

Friday night there's Paul F. Tompkins Show at Largo at the Coronet.

Saturday morning at 11am PST I'll be tethered to the computer again to listen to LAGenX (and possibly call in) followed by Terre T's Cherry Blossom Clinic on WFMU from 12-3pm PST.

The rest of the week I'm hopefully writing.

Which means you'll have to be content with following me in 140-character spurts on Twitter. (And while you're at it, follow Will's newest project, 3 Tweet Stories. No, really, it's good.)

You're welcome, stalkers. YOU'RE WELCOME.

This Would Mean More If I Was an Objectophile

As many of you know, Will and I got married at the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas on May 10, 2007. The wedding photographer came with the wedding bundle and did a great job. Well, mostly.

HOLY PHOTOSHOP, BATMAN!

The Mandalay Bay (or the adjoining THEhotel) is hands-down my favorite place to stay in Las Vegas. Maybe the Mandalay Bay secretly knew this, because I received an email yesterday that had the subject line You Have a Friend with Benefits at the Mandalay Bay.

Now, every time I've stayed at the Mandalay Bay, it's been with a boyfriend (then fiance, then husband.) So I think I'd remember if I had a "Friend with Benefits" lurking in a cabana by the Lazy River.

I investigated further.

Aha, the HOTEL ITSELF is the "Friend with Benefits"

So I'm being hit on by a hotel. This would mean a lot more if I was an Objectophile.

You can follow Mandalay Bay for deals on Twitter.

Note: I was not paid for this post. I just like the Mandalay Bay and being hit on by inanimate objects. However, if the Mandalay Bay would like to offer Will and I complimentary stay, who am I to say no? I probably won't take photos of me making out with the building.

My Top Ten Awesome List of 2009

According to the RULES OF THE INTERNET I am supposed to make a TOP TEN LIST at the end of the year. So I thought I'd better make a list in case I get fined or something.

The Top Ten Things That Made My Year More Awesome:

1. Friends of Tom.
   Caissie, Matt, Lisa Jane Persky, Andy Zax, Kiemzi, Scratchbomb, Justsheano are all people I want to fold up into a neat little square and tuck them in my purse. As I was saying to someone at the ham party a couple of nights ago, I'm a fan of Tom Scharpling and the Best Show on WFMU, but I was a fan of his fans of his show first.


2. Super talented people who I got to know better.
   Ben Acker, half of the writing team that created The Thrilling Adventure & Supernatural Suspense Hour. Lisa Jane Persky, (shut up, it's my list, I can add people twice) photographer, actress, writer, maker of ham.  Andy Zax, storyteller, music geek, and GRAMMY NOMINEE for Best Historical Album. Mike Holmes, actor, and writer of the upcoming theater adaptation of Forbidden Zone. Chia Evers, writer and Viable Paradise fellow. Steve Marmel, all around funnyguy and HuffPo blogger.


3. Super talented people who I don't KNOWknow, but who made my life a funnier place.
   Paul F. Tompkins, Tom Scharpling, Janie Haddad, Sara J. Benincasa, April Richardson, James Urbaniak, Jon Wurster. Your unbridled hilarity made me ruin something this year, whether it was my screen from a spit-take, or dinner. The bill will be forthcoming.


4. My husband's family.
   Like my own, they make me laugh and they make me cry and they make me want to pull my hair out, but I know they'll always have my back and feed me dinner.


5. Older SlackBrother J.
   Brother is doin' it for himself, yo. Beat the Cooler was released for the iPhone, and he's got plenty of more things in the hopper. Let's hear it for second acts.


6. Second Acts.
   I got my own this year. I have a pile of writing to get through (TWO pilots, a spec, a spec screenplay, a novel, and an animated pitch, all in various states of outlinedness.


7. My crew.
   If we have shared a drink, you are part of my crew. (I'm easy, you should know that by now.) We're not America's Next Top Dance Crew...yet.


8. Daisy J Dog.
   Not only is she the greatest dog in the planet, but she is the funniest dog on Twitter.


9. My husband.
   It hasn't been the easiest year, but it's been the easiest year to be married to him. As I said earlier this year, I highly suggest you find a Will of your own. You just can't have mine.


10. You.
    People say no one reads blogs anymore. But here you are. Thank you.

Honorable Mention: This photo of Captain Kirk holding an enormous dildo. Because it's a photo of Captain Kirk holding an enormous dildo!

Note: BetheMarriage is returning in 2010! Same day, NEW TIME!  5-6pm PST every Saturday night! Stay tuned for more details...

It's a Good Thing Will Was Sick.

If you watch our show, you know that Will has a thing for Jason Segel. As boy-crushes go, I totally approve.

A couple of nights ago, Jason sat in with The Swell Season at the Wiltern here in LA to perform a song he wrote.

It's a good thing Will was sick.

As many of you know, the show I'm working on is winding down, and there's no better way to celebrate my soon-to-be-unemployment than by catching Paul F. Tompkins' show this Saturday, November 21 at Largo at the Coronet. If you live in LA, you should go, too.

(Yes, I know. We talk about the PFT a lot but that's because he's made of funny, and people with that much talent should be showering in thousand dollar bills. Although thousand dollar bills are probably dirty, seeing as how rich people use them to blow their nose in. May have to work on that one.)

Want the PFT to come to your town? Start a Facebook group, and get 300 people to do. Details here.

(And if you find yourself in need of a TV/Comedy/Animation/Web/Transmedia/ARG writer in December, well, you know where to find me.)

CPR...

Remember that time when I used to blog about stuff in my life, like important stuff, thoughts and hopes and dreams and cures for cancer and solutions to the health care crisis and posts that brought families together and made you laugh and cry?

Yeah, me neither.

However, I have noticed that I've used this space to promote what I'm working on (Woke Up Dead, Valemont), my dog (she is cute when she eats ice cream), the GAP (Miz Brat, your gift certificate is in the mail, I swear), the show I host with my husband every Saturday night (except for this Saturday night, we'll be seeing my nemesis Paul F. Tompkins and friends at the Largo.)

I haven't written about anything going on in my life because I haven't been living my life right now.

As a writer, you breathe life into your characters on the page. While you're supposed to know what their favorite color is and how they feel about their father and what they've got in their pockets, your characters live and die on the page. (And eventually, on the screen if you're doing that sort of thing.)

But when you're working on a project that covers multiple platforms - call it outreach, call it viral marketing, call it transmedia - your characters are always living and breathing. On Facebook. On Twitter. They react to events. They converse with their friends. They pick fights. Sure, they promote your project but they promote it simply by existing. By being themselves. Unique voices. Unique perspectives.

It's a pretty exciting time, seeing how people react to these beings out there - part pixel, part actor. The audience can choose to accept them as real and participate, or watch them as a separate storyline, or ignore them completely. 

Just like they'd do with living, breathing human beings.

Except that these characters need someone to breathe life into them.

And currently I'm performing a lot of CPR. ;)

A Show of One's Own...

LAGenX Radio is auctioning off their soul show to the highest bidder!

Not FOREVER, mind you (because that would make me sad. You don't want to make me sad, do you? JERK!)

Nope, just one show. One one-hour show where say whatever you want, promote whatever you want... It means that there will be less Gina, Jason and Jeff talking about them and more Gina, Jason and Jeff...talking about YOU. (Or whatever you want.)

(And I like Gina, Jason and Jeff...so you'd better be interesting!) 

You don't have to live in the Los Angeles area. You just have to bid. What are you waiting for? Click on the image below to go to the LAGenX eBay Auction.

Happy bidding!

LAGenX radio is broadcast every Saturday morning at 11am PST. Listen here or go to LAGenX.com for more details!

GAP: Born to Fit Party!

I was born to do anything but fit.

I've written about it here enough times that I should have neck problems from all my navel-gazing. But my problem wasn't just fitting in with people. It was fitting in clothes.

How do you buy for a six year old with hips? An eight year old who needs a bra?

Early onset puberty made clothes shopping was a nightmare. My body, which had I wanted to use to climb trees and run bases and shoot baskets, became a source of shame and embarrassment. I donned armor in the guise of sweatpants. The weigh piled on and it became something else to worry about. Something else to be ashamed over.

In my late 20s I decided to stop measuring time and happiness by a number on the scale. I'm not always successful, and when I was asked to be a GAP brand ambassador, I was a little nervous. I love clothes, but I hate shopping. Even at 50 pounds lighter each time I step foot in a dressing room I have to remind myself that just because something doesn't look good doesn't make me terrible human being.

With puppies being kicked and wildfires raging out of control and children who don't have access to clean drinking water or health care, my tears in a dressing room are a first-world non-problem. People should be so lucky.

Flash forward and I have the opportunity to invite my blogger friends to a "Born to Fit" party at the GAP pop-up store in Beverly Hills on Robertson.  

The one promise I made to myself is that no one was going to complain that they were fat. No one was going to cry in a dressing room. Even though we were all different shapes and sizes, everyone would go home feeling beautiful. We'd all be born to fit.

Hosting a party is making everyone fall in love with you for thirty seconds at a time, then introducing them to other people and making them fall in love with each other.

At the GAP party, it was mini-matchmaking sans pants.

Everyone went home with a pair of jeans that made them feel like a million bucks.

 

Modeling the "Long and Lean."
Photo by Janet Barnett.

Photos from the party can be found here. Thanks to Kae of Are You Ready to Rock? and Janet Barnett of Barnett Lifestyles Photography for their photos. You can read more accounts of the party by Kae and Julia.

Did you get this far? Good, because I've got a GIFT CERTIFICATE for FREE PAIR GAP JEANS! You can enter THREE times.

1. Leave a comment telling me about your CURRENT favorite pair of jeans.
2. Write a story on your blog about your PAST favorite pair of jeans and leave a link to the blog post in the comments. This MUST be different than the above. I will check!
3. Tweet this contest and leave a comment with a link to your tweet.

You can do ANY ONE of the three. But you MUST leave it in the comments here, or else I won't be able to put you in the drawing. You have until Friday, September 4th at NOON PST.

You've Got One More Day to Post Your Embarrassing Clothing Stories!

You've got until 5pm PST tomorrow to comment on this post with your Most Embarrassing Clothing Story to enter the drawing for a $50 Gap gift card! It must be on this post and this post only!

(Meaning feel free to comment on this post, but it will not enter you in the drawing for the gift certificate.)

Reprinted from the 1998 archives of theslack.com The original piece was titled "Am I Adopted?"

My boss is having an elegant, black-tie required engagement dinner at the end of January. Of course, this means the SlackMistress needs to go out and purchase the required uniform: a gown. Now the SlackMistress hates to shop as a rule, and buying a gown is all the more painful.

We stroll into the Lord and Taylor outlet confident that we'll stroll back out with a purchase in our greedy little hands. This is one thing I have to give my mother credit for: she knows where to buy good stuff, cheap. We head to the back of the store and begin the easy part of the process: picking out gowns to try on. My mother starts at the beginning of the row.

After turning down three or four gowns, I can see we're locked in a battle of wills. I have said the dinner is black-tie required. I think this to be elegant, reminiscent of the charity galas I've seen photographed in Town & Country magazine (which my mother finally stopped subscribing to because she was sick of me asking, month after month, looking at the glossy WASP-y families, "are you sure these aren't my real parents?") My mother's impression of black-tie was stuck somewhere between mother-of-the-groom dresses and "Dynasty." Being neither Alexis Carrington nor a 50-year-old woman, you can only imagine the arguments that ensued.

But finally! We have our loot and parade into the communal dressing room. Women in varying stages of undress speaking at least four different language. I rip off my clothes and my mother begins to unzip gowns. The ones that fit are ugly. The ones that don't I attempt to shrug off as quickly as possible.

However, mom won't give up the battle that easily.

"C'mon...c'mon..."

She tugs at the fabric of the dress. Suddenly, a woman half-clad in a Liz Claiborne suit comes over to assist. "That's it honey! Tug here, it'll make it!" Another woman in bra and panties looks at me disdainfully and says to my mother and the Good Samaritan:

"You'll never fit that dress over her ass."

Suddenly the dressing room is split into two factions: The Dress Will Fit and You've Got To Be Joking. Discussions are being had of juice fasts and tomato soup diets, non-surgical liposuction and girdles. I mumble something about going to the gym and eating healthy before the big event. With one statement I've united the crowd: this will never happen.

I slink out of the dressing room, cloaked in shame. My mother, however, has emerged victorious. She has managed not only to embarrass her daughter publicly but managed to look the sympathetic parents whilst doing it. She exits the dressing room with a slap on the back and a few nice words about putting up with her daughter's "moods."

We did manage to find a gown a few hours later. I actually like it. My mother's already promised me full access to her Dynasty-like collection of large gold earrings.

Oh, goody.

#Gapborntofit