the slack daily

Things I Learned From Superbowl Ads.

1. I shouldn't abort my child because one day she may have the chance to become a GoDaddy Girl.

2. The Lilly Ledbetter Act now extends to personal hygiene products! Men now get the opportunity to buy smelly products they don't need. FINALLY, equal opportunity! You've come a long way, baby.

3. Costumers on commercials have a secret stash of slight-used tidy-whiteys. (I can only hope they receive hazard pay.)

4. What was missing was the Robert Blake/OJ Simpson crossover ad where they meet at the Sbarro in the mall food court after being dragged shopping by their overbearing wives.

5. Mrs. Tebow might reassess her position on the right to choose if she was forced to sit in First Class with an E*Trade baby.

Winners? Anyone who got paid to create that violent, misogynistic, and most importantly UNFUNNY piece of crap. Viva mediocrity!

Also a winner? Willie Ames, who did a fabulous job singing at the halftime show. I think he's proved to Hollywood that he's finally ready for the way-overdue Pirate Movie 2.

Losers? All of us who didn't fast-forward through the commercials. I like my misogynists classy. (Looking at you, Don Draper.)

You can find the rest of my Livetweets from the Superbowl here. And while you're at it, check out Caissie St. Onge, Tom Scharpling, Paul F. Tompkins and Sara Benincasa.

How (Not) to Make It In Hollywood

I received this email yesterday:

I responded:

He replied:

The point:                    ------------------>

Him:                               x

I realized I had written about this a few years back. With a quick re-read, it all still pretty much rings true.

I bring you from the 2005 archives of theslack.com: So You Wanna Be in Showbiz?

Power of the Purse.

What is the arrow pointing to?

If you guessed "boobs" you'd be right...mostly. Because any woman knows that the arrow is also pointing at a purse. A place to stash money, ID, and if you're me at the Paul F. Tompkins Show* last night, our tickets. 

Of course, as evidenced from the photo above, it's easy to get stuff lost in there. It took me a second to locate our admission - much to the horror of a gentleman standing outside the venue. It's not like I flashed a nipple of anything. That only happens when I use them to stash my car keys.

*One of the funniest shows in Los Angeles. You can also see PFT in The Thrilling Adventure & Supernatural Hour, which is the other funniest show in Los Angeles. Plus you have the added benefit of seeing me and Will. So we'll see you next month?

One to Grow On...

Last night, I had the pleasure of having dinner at Jessica Gottlieb's house with another Famous But Unnamed Mommyblogger (FBUM).  Lemme tell you that Jessica can roast a chicken like nobody's business. She can't open a bottle of champagne, but that's okay - that's why you invite me to dinner.

Over the course of the evening, one of FBUM's children expressed her horror at having such an embarassing mom. 'Cause her mom said "Dude!"

That's not embarassing, I told her. SlackMom calling Older SlackBrother's J's algebra teacher a dumb cunt* in front of the entire 7th grade class? That's embarassing. But you want your parents to be as embarassing as possible - then when you grow up people will invite you to parties and give you free booze ot tell your embarrassing parent stories.

So for all the kids reading this, just remember: Embarrassing now = free booze later.

Also, between the above and this, I don't know if we're ever getting an invite back.

*I didn't actually say these words in front of the kids.** I am slightly appropriate on occasion.
**However, it is a treue story. (And SlackMom was right.)