the slack daily

How to Rock a Premiere...

 

This Saturday, February 4th at 8:30pm, How to Rock premieres on Nickelodeon!

But that’s not all…right after the premiere you get a bonus episode of How to Rock, “How to Rock a Messy Bet” written by me!

So tune in this Saturday! Check your local listings for details.

(Click to embiggen.)

Say Goodnight, Gracie.

In the late 70s, George Burns starred in Oh God and Oh God, Book II. The movies were in a constant loop on cable a summer later. My brother Jeremy and I watched them over and over (and over and over) until we could recite them from memory. One day, my mom had had enough.

It wasn't that we were spending our summer inside, planted on a scratchy wool cushions of the sofa and slurping back Pepsi Lights, but that George Burns was so much more than what we were seeing.

That evening she took us out for our favorite candy (chocolate covered raisins for me, something gummy-ike for Jer, I think) and then we crowded around the glow of the TV for the "Burns and Allen Show." During commerical breaks Mom told us about  Gracie Allen and George Burns rose through the ranks of vaudeville, then radio, then television.

It was in black and white and it looked old even on our new TV, but I remember being so awed at the fact that something that was written so long ago could still make me laugh and Gracie Allen was probably the first truly funny woman I had ever seen.   

Later that year, our 4th grade teacher at Ben Franklin School (Mrs. Keen?) taught us how to write formal letters. The assignment was to pick people you looked up to, and ask them for an autographed picture. She would take care of sending the letters off.

The year was 1982, and most kids chose to write the cast of Star Wars.

My mom told me that Gracie Allen died before I was born, so I chose to write to George Burns.

Over the next few months, letters would come back in care of Ben Franklin School. Autographed photos of Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher. And then one day, an envelope came for me.

I forgot about the letter until yesterday, when a package arrived on my doorstep from SlackMom. 

 

Dear Nina

Thank you for the nice letter. I'm just sorry I couldn't get around to answering it sooner. I'm very honored that you chose me. I thought a letter would be nicer than a picture.

It's nice to know that today, kids still look up to someone. It's a nice feeling. I had my heroes when I was young. Abe Lincoln. Thomas Jefferson. I knew Jefferson personally. That's a joke.

I'm not really that old. I'm older. Anyway, sweetie, stay happy and healthy.

Love

George Burns

 

He sent it from Hollywood Center Studios Which is not far from where I spend my days writing comedy now.

Thank you, Mr. Burns. And goodnight, Gracie.*

*Lizzie McGuire won a Gracie Allen Award for comedy in 2003. How cool is that?

#Oscars

Miss me? You won't soon, because you are about to have so much slackmistress shoved down your throat you're gonna choke on it. That's right! CHOKE ON IT, BITCHES!

Wait, where were we?

Oh, yes: The Oscars. You might have put on a fancy dress and walked the red carpet. Me, I put on jeans and a t-shirt and drank beer while hanging out on Twitter. Here are some of my favorites from my Oscars live-tweet.

 

TWENTY DAYS LATER

We're twenty days into this whole 2011 project. I know! I didn't think that 2011 would last, but it seems to have caught on with the kids.

Crowdsourcing New Year's Resolutions was somewhat of a bust. Those who did participate said I should:

1. Make more corny sex jokes. I CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN.

2. Do more public speaking. I would love to. I actually LIKE speaking in public. Mostly because I'm insane, but also because I'm someone who loves to perform but it shy about doing so, so participating on panels and gving short talks feeds my insane ego.

3. Get back on BetheMarriage. This is something I've been thinking about as well. But if it comes back, I need it to be better. Different. And the brainspace that is required is being rented out for various other opportunities. But I swear, it's on the table.

4. Write more about Lizzie McGuire. Check.

And that's it. Maybe you've resolved to participate more, but it's really my fault. Emails have been pouring in by the tens asking me where I am. One of my resolutions is always is to write more, and in this case, it's been happening. Just not here.

I think a lot about the buffet of social media options, what I use and why.

Twitter I use to be a smartass and fine-tune my very rusty comedy skills (as a result, you can also now find me on WitStream!), as well as socialize with my friends.

Tumblr I use to write thoughts that are longer than Twitter and shorter than a blog post. I also use it to make posts that I want other people to share. (Like is Gwyenth Paltrow an Andy Kaufman experience in my yet-to-be- memefied What If Wednesday.)

Facebook I use to keep tabs on my friends and see if ex-friends have gotten fat. SHUT UP WE ALL DO IT.

The Slack Daily I use when I have something that's longer than a thought and a punchline.

...

So I haven't been around much, because I've been using those thoughts and punchlines (just add character + story) to my WRITINGwriting which is the stuff I'm being paid (or will eventually be paid) to do.

I'm writing more.

I've been prioritizing that over things like sunlight, food, sleep and personal hygiene.  Ripped right from the headlines of Sheila E's "Glamorous Life."

I've always wanted to be a Warren Ellis, or my new friend Chuck Wendig (I call him a friend because I think that's what you call someone with whom you discuss hobo handjobs over Skype, yes?) who churn out words (good words, at that) at an impressive rate. But one doesn't turn into Warren Ellis overnight - there's simply not enough whisky.  However, inventing the term pudding-fucking insane is a start.

So that's where I've been, and that's what I'm doing.

The point is, my darlings, I'm always somewhere. And you're always welcome to find me. (ON THE INTERNET YOU PERVS.)

 

 

Mr. Peabody & his Boy WTF?

About a thousand and a half years ago, I wrote (with my then writing-partner brother) on a show called Romeo!

I am not excited. The show was called Romeo!

That's Romeo-Exclamation-Point. I'm not a fan of the mandatory use of punctuation in show titles. It's a little desperate. As in see, no, it's a really new and exciting show and you can tell people there's an exclamation point or we used that question mark because we're not sure that it's actually going to happen even though we know it already did I'm looking at you Bethenny Getting Married?(!)

Romeo! was...an experience.

What's a Girl Like Me Doin' in a Place Like This? Club 33

It starts with finding the door.

A few weeks ago, Will scored a reservation to Disneyland's uber-exclusive Club 33. At first I thought it was a joke. I wrote for a hit series for the Disney Channel and even though we begged and pleaded, we couldn't get in. Flash forward ten years and my husband and I are weaving through the throngs of tourists to do our "test run."

You see, Club 33 has rules. A dress code. And they expect you to be on time.

We found the door in New Orleans Square, tucked next to the Blue Bayou Restaurant.

Test run.

A few hours later we were back, dressed in our finery. Here's the thing: you don't see a lot of finery in Disneyland. We received more than a few raised eyebrows as we wandered through the park (me in my flip-flops and dress, as I tucked my fancy shoes in my purse. So it wasn't as fine as it could have been.)

When we returned, a couple of tourists were taking a picture in front of the sign. We waited until they were done, then stepped forward. They grabbed each other and gasped

THEY'RE GOING INSIDE!

Except that we weren't going inside, not just yet. Because we were at least ten minutes early. So we took a photo instead.

Goin' to the Show.

By this time, a small crowd had assembled, all whispering they're going to ring the bell! He's going to ring the bell! I wondered if they were going to break into a musical song-and-dance number, and if that was part of the Club 33 experience.

(It wasn't.)

Will rang the bell and the door opened. He gave his name. The door closed.

A hush fell over the crowd.

The door opened again, a tiny bit wider.

Welcome to Club 33, the voice said.

I have been lucky enough in my life (and my career) to attend events and activities that many people do not. But I was never so excited as I was walking into Club 33. The dark wood, the clink of glassware, the servers who don't blink twice as you gawk at everything around you.

Is this your first time? our server asked.

How could you tell? I responded.

We started off with a cocktail (a Manhattan for Will, a Kir Royale for me) and then ordered the tasting menu (with the wine pairing, natch.) The food was good. It wasn't the best meal I've ever had, but you understood it was all about the experience...

I didn't take photos for most of the meal, preferring to just live in the moment rather than document it.

But I did take a picture of the toilet on request. Because I'm classy like that.

Two hours later we finished up with some espresso and looked out the window, realizing we were going ot have to return to earth with the mere mortals.

It's going to suck to be a regular person again, Will said.

But it was sure fun while it lasted.

Amtrak Famous

One day, kid, one day they're gonna know who you are. One day they're gonna be screaming your name on the red carpet. One day your picture is gonna be in all the papers.

From Amtrak's in-train magazine, Arrive, July/August 2010 Issue.

(h/t Helen who was riding the rails and discovered this gem.)

#CelebratetheWeb

You know how there was that ceremony on Sunday that didn't go so well?

Last night's #CelebratetheWeb was the exact opposite of that.

In just a few days, Jenni Powell and Kim Evey located a venue, compiled a guest list, assembled videos from speakers who couldn't be there in person, printed programs and assembled Streamy winners, nominees and Web Folk for an event that was, by all accounts, pitch perfect.

Names were picked from the center of a Streamy to decide on the order of speakers.

After opening remarks from Sandeep Parikh (who was absolutely charming and prepared enough that he asked me how to pronounce my name should he pick me to speak first), the night was off and running. A little over an hour later, everyone had spoken - either in person or via video. The night was seamlessly, technically and personally. We all had two minutes to speak on why we love working on the web.

While I can be glib naturally, speaking from the heart requires a little more effort. I prepared some notes, which I revised as the evening wore on. Unfortunately I forgot to bring a writing implement, so as my name was called (the second-to-last-speaker of the night, not actually the last) those notes were a smear of violet eyeliner.

You can watch the entire evening above (I'm about 59 minutes in.)

Again, thanks to Kim Evey and Jenni Powell. And thanks to the web community for being like a delicious cake made of awesome.

At Least I Looked Nice.

By now, you've probably heard about the complete, unmitigated disaster that was the 2010 Streamys. Vaginal rejuvenation jokes (planned!), Bud Bundy in a stuffed jockstrap (planned?), and streakers (not planned.)

It was sort of like watching Superbowl ads back in February...except instead of sitting in my sweatpants eating a bowl of chili on my couch I was crammed in a hot theater in my finest with no prayer of food for hours.

Apologies have been made, but no one's taken responsibility yet.

(Is this another case of web trying to ape mainstream media?)

Craft award winners were not invited to walk the red carpet (surprise!) and were relegated to seats in the balcony and no invite to the after-party. Thanks to Electric Farm Entertainment's COO (EFE produced Valemont and Woke Up Dead) I got to sit amongst the "real" nominees and attend the after-party (that offered free Stella but pricey drinks and no food.)

We discovered mid-show that the Craft Award Winners (Valemont won for Best Interactive Experience and Best Mobile Experience) were supposed to appear on stage while we were announced. Technical difficulties resulted in us shuttled onstage like cattle, and then waved off. We were allowed to sit for a quick photo op, but then an escort guided us past the press room and back to the lobby.

I actually thought host Paul Scheer did the best he could with what he had to work with - I don't *think* he wrote most of his material, which is probably why he wasn't all that funny.

I know that pulling these things together is a Herculean feat. However, to plead ignorance at the content of your own show is disingenuous.

At least I looked nice:

Dress by Stop Staring! Pin is vintage.

Felicia Day said in her 2009 Streamys Acceptance speech (I'm paraphrasing from memory) "don't wait around for someone to tell you that you can do something. Go out there and do it." So I wasn't surprised when Jenni Powell and Kim Evey announced that we're going to take back the Streamys.

We'll be streaming LIVE from the ACME Theater starting at 8pm PST. You can follow along here.

I'll see you all tomorrow night. (But I don't need to see all of you. Streakers should probably sit this one out.)

Pick my Streamys Dress!

Last night, Valemont picked up two Streamys at the Craft Awards, for Best Mobile Experience & Best Interactive Experience. The whole Valemont world grew out of writer Christian Taylor & Electric Farm Entertainment Co-Founder Brent Friedman's brain, and to be invited to expand that world online was a huge honor. Making it happen was EFE Co-Founder Stan Rogow, Katrina Moran, Kelly Spencer, MTV, Verizon, and Fuel Industries (who built the ValemontU.com site) not to mention all of the players who participated along the way.

The evening was spent high on awards show fumes.

My face, almost as shiny as the Streamy itself!

Sunday is the Streamys main event, where Valemont is up for three more awards: Best Writing (Christian Taylor), Best Drama Series and Best Actor (Eric Balfour.) I'll be there to cheer us on, but I have a serious First World Dilemma. WHAT TO WEAR?

So I'm going to let you dress me. In the sense that I am going to let you pick my dress. I AM NOT ACTUALLY LETTING YOU PHYSICALLY DRESS ME. Pervs.

The nominees for Slackmistress' Streamy Dress are...

 

The Specials Dress, from Stop Staring!

 

The Gathered Ava Dress in red, also from Stop Staring!

The polls close Sunday at 11am. The polls close at 6pm, Saturday, April 10. I'll wear the losing dress to the Streamys launch party on Saturday. VOTE!