So Mother's Day is today. You know what that means:
Alas, I am not a mom. Although I do carry photos of my dog on my phone, tweet about her poop, and make emergency visits to the vet at midnight, this puts me in the category of DoggyBlogger rather than MommyBlogger.
You moms get all the breaks! Do you know that I had to get stretchmarks ON MY OWN? I didn't have the good fortune to create another human to put through college to earn my stripes! And what are diapers, other than really big poop bags? But does anyone say "awwwwww, who has a poopy diaper?" when my dog craps on their lawn? No! (Although her lack of poop does have mystical powers.)
And now they give you free booze. You know what I have to booze! I have to pay for it!
That said, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there: the ones who raised their kids who are off and grown, those who still have them parading through the house, those who raised kids, regardless of their biological attachments, those who want to be moms, and to those kids who raised themselves.
And to my mom, who somehow let me live past adolescence. Thank god that lazy gene is dominant.