A couple of days ago, Dick Van Dyke's Jaguar caught on fire on the 101 Freeway.
Used Jag for sale REAL CHEAP!! pic.twitter.com/SpQMsg3s2O— Dick Van Dyke (@iammrvandy) August 20, 2013
MOST IMPORTANT: Mr. Van Dyke and his wife are both 100% okay.
SECOND MOST IMPORTANT: Dick Van Dyke's wife (who seems lovely!) is 40 years old.
I am 40 years old.
I COULD HAVE MARRIED DICK VAN DYKE?
I've never met Dick Van Dyke. I've never been in a quarter mile proximity of Dick Van Dyke.* Outside of the fact that I am a TV writer and Dick Van Dyke is a TV GOD, there is no reason for Dick Van Dyke's and my paths to cross.
I COULD HAVE MARRIED DICK VAN DYKE.
I relayed this information to the person I actually married.
Nothing could make me feel more conflicted than if @slackmistress left me for Dick van Dyke.— Will Stegemann (@BeTheBoy) August 20, 2013
Will and I celebrate our seven-year anniversary next May. This means we'll have been dating seven and a half years next May. I didn't accept his first proposal (which came on our second date.) But I accepted the last one (which came four weeks later.) It's been a pretty fun ride.
But still. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO HAVE ALL THE FACTS.
*I did work on "You Wish" which starred Jerry Van Dyke, so you could say I was Dick-Van-Dyke-Adjacent.
DISCLAIMER: I am a fan of Dick Van Dyke, and which him and his bride all the very best. (BUT WOULD IT HAVE KILLED WILL TO LET ME KNOW?)