the slack daily

Power of the Purse.

What is the arrow pointing to?

If you guessed "boobs" you'd be right...mostly. Because any woman knows that the arrow is also pointing at a purse. A place to stash money, ID, and if you're me at the Paul F. Tompkins Show* last night, our tickets. 

Of course, as evidenced from the photo above, it's easy to get stuff lost in there. It took me a second to locate our admission - much to the horror of a gentleman standing outside the venue. It's not like I flashed a nipple of anything. That only happens when I use them to stash my car keys.

*One of the funniest shows in Los Angeles. You can also see PFT in The Thrilling Adventure & Supernatural Hour, which is the other funniest show in Los Angeles. Plus you have the added benefit of seeing me and Will. So we'll see you next month?

You Have Been Warned.

When I was in college, Wednesday nights were sacred. The TV snapped on at 8pm (or was it 9? Apparently it wasn't sacred enough that I remember) and my friends and I prepared to worship at the altar of Aaron Spelling.

90210
(or Nine-Oh, to my friends.)

 

Even though I was an Andrea, I totally rocked the Kelly look.

But Nine-Oh was just the hors d'oeuvres, the soggy pig-in-a-blanket to the main course mac-n-cheesiest:

MELROSE PLACE

 

Melrose Place was awesome, because, y'see, after college I was moving to Los Angeles! Billy could be my roommate, and I could watch, mesmerized, as he practiced soccer shirtless and the pool of sweat collected in his strangely-shaped bellybutton (ew.) Allison would be my best friend, who would listen to me for countless hours while I crushed hard on Matt. I would secretly want to befriend Jo and would totally be taken advantage of by Sydney.

THIS WAS GOING TO BE MY LIFE AFTER COLLEGE!

 

College graduation, 1994. Melrose Place here I come!

Except that when I moved to Los Angeles, I soon discovered the only thing that Melrose Place, the actual location, and Melrose Place, the show had in common was that it was made of up 99% white people. The actual Melrose Pl. was littered with antique stores, ivy-covered buildings, and too many Rolls-Royces to count.

I've lived in Los Angeles for 14 years now, and my life hasn't exactly turned out like Melrose Place. There hasn't been any drama, like a whirlwind romance that resulted in us getting engaged after five weeks, and then getting married five months later...

Okay, but I don't have a crazy Kimberly who blew up my apartment building. I have a hoarding landlady who could possibly set the place on fire.

Maybe I don't live in Melrose Place. But I'm MP-Adjacent - at the Hobo Camp next door.

Melrose Place is back tonight at 9pm on the CW! And I may or may not be live-tweeting it!

You have been warned!

Blogger Prom Wrap-Up.

I went stag to my Senior Prom:

Posing with Older SlackBrother J. 1990

I went married to my Blogger Prom:

With Will, last Thursday. Photo by Lisa.

Last Thursday was Blogger Prom, held on the rooftop of the West Hollywood Andaz Hotel. It was an amazing evening, and I don't say that just because there was delicious food, free specialty cocktails, cheap valet parking and the fact that we won the best raffle prize in the Universe.

Will & I win the Edison booze raffle prize.
(The spot on my arm is my stamp to get in and out of the party.)

The thing I love about meeting bloggers IRL is that at the core of it, we're all dorks. I know that for some, the name of the game is monetizing and SEO and branding, and there's nothing wrong with that. But there's always the person - and personality - behind the blog.  And bloggers have big personalities (or is that just me?)

I recently heard someone complain about a "cool kids" clique in the blogging world, because a group of bloggers "got more hits" than they did.

To which I respond: being popular on the Internet may be awesome. But it's also dorky. 

Let's just embrace our awesome dorkiness, people.

Outside of my most favorite person (Will) I had a chance to hang out some of my favorite people I had already been lucky enough to hang our with before: Lisa, Kim, David, Travis, Joz, Mary, Andy, but I also got to finally meet some of the people I have been virtually stalking for ages: Julia, Lucinda Michele, Mike, Caroline, Lindsay, Laurie Percival, AVFLox, as well as meeting some new bloggers: Hot Pink Manolos, LetMeEatCake, GreenLAGirl and Foodwolf.

(I'm sure I'm forgetting someone, mea culpa!)

We may be a bunch of dorks, but we're hot, funny dorks. And the women in this community make me want to form some sort of amazonian cotton-panty pillowfighting army.

Let me know if you want to sign up.

I do know that some bloggers were upset that they were not invited to the Prom, but the Prom Committee did put out the word on Twitter a good six weeks before invites went out. Space was limited, and I could see why because from the second we walked in to the moment we left with our swag bags, it was a night to remember. The Prom Committee worked their butts off.

THANK YOU PROM COMMITTEE!

2009 Blogger Prom Committee
Caroline of Caroline on Crack
Esther of e*starLA
H.C. of LA and OC Foodventures
Lindsay of LAist
Marni of Happy Go Marni
Maya of Shop Eat Sleep
Natalie of The Liquid Muse
Tara of When Tara Met Blog

My Blogger Prom photos can be found here, and everyone's photos in the Blogger Prom Flickr Pool.

Explaining the Finer Points of Twitter to Jon Heder

Check out more behind-the-scenes on Whrrl. And check out Matt's (Josh Gad) first vlog on WokeUpDead.tv.

...

And don't forget to catch Will and I tonight at 8pm PST for BetheMarriage, LIVE! (On Ice!)

Our Audition for LAGenX Radio.

LAGenX is looking for guest hosts, and I have a face for radio! Enjoy.

Mind the GAP.

 

Short Version:

"Just look at the recent `Khakis of the Dead' campaign," said Bug. "By using Balanchine and Andy Warhol and all these dead people to hustle khakis, the Gap permits the Gap wearer to dissociate from the now and enter a nebulous then, wherever one wants then to be in one's head . . , this big place that stretches from Picasso's'20s to the hippie'60s."
        --Douglas Coupland, Microserfs

I now own this dress:

 

(However, I have much larger boobs. Oh, and a head.)

Long version:

This morning, I did something that I've never done before.

I had coffee with a marketing person. About this blog.

People always tell me to put up ads. I haven't, mostly because I'm lazy. As the social media world has turned from social to media, I realized that I was going to have to soon think about what my policy about such things would be. Would I take money? Would I review products for free? Would I have a disclaimer?

I was once pitched a cell phone to try out for three months, except that I read the disclaimer and if the phone was lost, stolen, or broken you would have to pay $600 or your firstborn and at the time I didn't have $600 and I thought it would be just my luck to have to have a baby to pay for a broken cell phone.

I had a glass of wine instead.

I decided my policy would be that I wouldn't look at anything that I wouldn't actually, really use. Which means that you will not find me being a Wonderbra sponsor (they don't come in 34DDD. They make you think they are pro-boob, but they are ANTI-ACTUAL-BOOBS!) or shilling near-beer. But when I saw "The Gap..." my brain did a little happy dance of joy that looked something like this (shut up, in my head I am a prima ballerina. And the swan doesn't die in the end, she lays an easter egg filled with power-ups to get unlimited tries to save the princess.) The Gap is like my family: always there for you. Mostly reliable. And sometimes they make you cry.

As I was trying on outfits this morning, I realized the last time I had been at this particular Gap was back in 2000. I had just lost a bunch of weight and gotten my first writing gig ("Lizzie McGuire.") One of the things I loved about the Gap was that it was there for me when I was heavy.

(Gap Size 18 Boot-Cut Jeans)

When you're someone who can walk in a store and buy something off the rack, you have a tendency to take this for granted. Overweight women never take this for granted. Shopping is generally a nightmare of poorly-lit dressing rooms and swallowing your pride when you ask for the next size up. It's not like I had kicked a baby or overthrown a country - I was just fat. But if you're fat or you've ever been fat, well, you know how it is.

The Gap was the one place I could go in and know I could walk out with something suitable to wear.

But there was only one time I broke down and cried in a dressing room, and it was at the store I was at this morning - Gap Century City - where I realized that I was trying on - and fitting into - size ten pants.

In my entire adult life, I had never been a size ten.

I remembered looking at the photo above and knowing that I had to make a choice, not just for my looks or my health but because of who I was. I used the "funny fat girl" like a force-field to deflect attention, a disguise for the self-loathing I harbored inside like a fugitive. I was terrified, because underneath it all, I didn't know what I'd find. Or if I'd like it.

I studied myself this morning in the dress. I had pulled a twelve off the rack because I've worn that size for the past couple of years. Until...

How's the dress? J, the marketing woman asked through the dressing-room door.

I think I need a size ten, I responded.

The Conclusion:

Their whole process is just beginning, but I said I'd like to be considered. Should that happen, I will be 100% completely clear. This blog will always be about me, because I'm a narcissist that way. I just may be better-dressed and occasionally write about it. Oh, and I don't have to have a baby if I spill something on myself.

I like what Gwen Bell has to say on the subject, here.

And yes, BetheMarriage LIVE (On Ice) is broadcasting tonight at 8pm PST!

What My Weekend Looked Like.

We rented a house in Palm Springs, as it was cheaper than most of the other options we looked at plus had the added bonus of being able to bring Daisy J. Dog.

@DaisyJDog makes herself at home.




Dancing for their dinner.



Anniversary breakfast (French Toast made with King's Hawaiian Sweet Bread, sausage, bourbon and brown sugar apples, mimosas.)


Puppy love. (Yes, sans makeup.)

It is mind-boggling that three years ago I didn't know any of these people.  Will wasn't the only one drifting.  I spent years trying to pinpoint the moment my life took a wrong turn, not realizing that I was heading in the right direction all along.

Thank you.

xo.

You.

You were there when we first met.

You were there for the Detective Post.

You were there when we started to date.

You were there when we got engaged.

You were there when my family reacted to the news.

You were even there when we got married.

So hopefully we'll see you tomorrow night, live from Palm Springs as we celebrate* our Second Wedding Anniversary. (Which is actually Sunday. But still.)

*We are not broadcasting ALL the celebrating. Ahem.

Why I Don't Leave the House.

This morning, on Twitter:

 










 

Follow me on Twitter. Also, if you found the above amusing you should be reading The Bloggess.

Galliano or Gygax?

I don't follow fashion. I'm mostly interested in personal style (on a budget!)

But this model from John Galliano's most recent show (via Jezebel) caught my eye:

A D & D character:

Maybe next year's line will be inspired by the Fiend Folio?