the slack daily

Agorafabulous!

From sarabenincasa:

HOW YOU CAN MAKE AGORAFABULOUS! A BESTSELLER

with thanks to Baratunde Thurston for the inspiration (buy “How to Be Black” now!)

Now I know we’ve all got limited funds these days, and you don’t owe me a goddamned thing. That said, I’m about to try and convince you to do me a huge favor. I thank you for even reading it, much less following any of the suggestions.

So let’s say we’re buddies IRL or on the Internets, or you’ve come to see my comedy live and not paid any monies, or you enjoy my Tweets or my free (and awesome) podcast, Sex and Other Human Activities. Like the rest of us, I gots to make a living, and I’m trying to do it through art. It’s a silly enterprise, to be sure, but one to which I’m committed. I don’t have a Kickstarter or anything like that, but I do have a book. It’s a good one. I promise. It’ll make you laugh, cry, think, and maybe even feel pretty great about yourself and your life, because at least you aren’t doing the crazy things I do in the book! Also, it’s red and will look great on  your bookshelf. It represents about a decade of effort, and I’m so happy to share it with you.

I’d be so grateful if you’d follow one or more of the tips below to help make this book a bestseller — cuz then I can continue to do free comedy and free sex podcasts and pay my wifi bill and do free Internet things and all that jazz (all while wearing a leopard print Snuggie!) Okay, here goes…

1. Buy it

Easy, right? You can buy it at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Indiebound, Powells, and anywhere books are sold. You can get it for Kindle or Nook. I will attempt to have it translated into hieroglyphs and written on the wall of a cave, and we will charge a fine price for access.

2. Write a review

On the ecommerce site where you purchased it. On GoodReads. On your blog. In the sky with airplane exhaust.

3. Tell your friends and family to buy it

Tell them that if they really love you, they’ll buy this book by your friend/friend-of-a-friend/Internet-pal “Sara Benincasa.”

4. Reblog this post.

I’ll see that you reblogged it, and send you magical good vibes straight from my heart!

Thank you so much. And if I can help you out with your art in any way, please email sara@sarabenincasa.com and tell me how. I promise I’ll try if it’s within my power.

Love,

Sara

 

*************************

I haven't even read the book yet (Will has his on his kindle; my hard copy should be waiting for me when I get home) but I will tell you that having known Sara through the Internets*, seen the show, and then gotten to know her in person that not only is she smart and funny and adorable and charming but she is deserving of good things. I wouldn't recommend this book if I didn't think you'd like it. And if you don't know Sara, then you'll find yourself liking Sara and then you'll be doing things like writing her notes on your Tumblr and inviting her over for sleepovers in footie pajamas and Sunday-morning pancakes.

Besides, how often can you help make someone's dreams become a reality?

The point is: Reblog. Buy. Share. Enjoy.

 

Things I Learned While Watching Pretty in Pink.

• That first outfit that Andie wears was my dream outfit that I attempted to recreate (poorly.) I don't think there re pictures, although I rocked the vest CONSTANTLY and did a lot of boxy jackets with pins.


• If you didn't want to be Annie Potts character Iona in Pretty in Pink when you grew up, then we wouldn't have been friends in High School.


• Iona talks about her friend missing Prom... "She realized nothing was missing...it was side effects from missing the Prom." WHICH IS WHY I WENT TO PROM STAG.


• I coveted that pink Kharmann Ghia. I now drive a pink Mini Cooper.


• I met director Howard Deutch at a party a couple of weeks ago. I tried not to fan out, so I turned to talk to the person he was with. His wife.


• Watching Andie listen to her messages from Duckie reminded me what a big deal it was to get a phone in my room. The phone jack was there...I just wasn't allowed a phone of my own until I was in 8th grade.

• I modded my gym suit my freshman year. I think there were boxer shorts with a ruffle that I wore under my gym shorts.


• I'm still a Duckie girl. (I married mine.)

What if All We Have to Look Forward to is a Bucket of Pig's Blood?

According to Jenny the Bloggess, today is Blogging Without Makeup Day,where bloggers, world-'round, post photos of themselves sans makeup.

To be honest, every day is Blogging Without Makeup Day, because I don't roll out of bed fully made up.
(And I don't blog every day. But we're talking about makeup here. Stay focused, people.)

My husband does not wake up to this:

Or even this:

I.R. Smart!

The slackmistress in her natural habitat looks something like this:

True to form, I didn't even brush my hair.

This is what it looks like without the cute dog to distract you:

I won't eat your children. PROBABLY.

But then I got to thinking: what's the point of this Blogging Without Makeup Day? Did I just take Jenny's word for it? Sure, it seems to be a meme, but what if it was elaborate ruse to get a bunch of (predominantly female) bloggers to post photos of themselves looking less than their absolute best? What if it was in fact a joke of Carrie-like proportions, and now all we have to look forward to is a bucket of pig's blood?

I pondered this conspiracy theory:

Wearing my pondering glasses.

 

But then I got distracted and forgot.

Mom's the Word.

So Mother's Day is today. You know what that means:

FREE MIMOSAS.

Alas, I am not a mom. Although I do carry photos of my dog on my phone, tweet about her poop, and make emergency visits to the vet at midnight, this puts me in the category of DoggyBlogger rather than MommyBlogger. 

You moms get all the breaks! Do you know that I had to get stretchmarks ON MY OWN? I didn't have the good fortune to create another human to put through college to earn my stripes! And what are diapers, other than really big poop bags? But does anyone say "awwwwww, who has a poopy diaper?" when my dog craps on their lawn? No! (Although her lack of poop does have mystical powers.)

And now they give you free booze. You know what I have to booze! I have to pay for it!

That said, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there: the ones who raised their kids who are off and grown, those who still have them parading through the house, those who raised kids, regardless of their biological attachments, those who want to be moms, and to those kids who raised themselves.

And to my mom, who somehow let me live past adolescence. Thank god that lazy gene is dominant.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

GirlCrush: Sara Benincasa

Remember when girls were supposed to hate other girls? Especially girls who were funny and pretty? Or was it that we were supposed to hate girls who were prettier and funnier than we were? Oh media, you get so confusing with your mixed messages. Thankfully I have supermodels to tell me that every woman is beautiful, and I shouldn't listen to the evil media.

Supermodels: What CAN'T they do?

Now that we've got that all cleared up, I am now free to to express my abject girlcrushiness on other women. (And if I am to believe the evil media, this will help retain my male audience. I guess we can still be friends, evil media.)

I don't know how I found Sara Benincasa. I may have my husband to blame. Say what you will about him, the man has good taste. Like any decent gateway drug, a little taste of Sara Benincasa does not go a long way. You need more. So I sought her out. On Twitter! On my Facebooks! On the YouTubes!

Thankfully Sara has not realized that I am stalking her, probably because I have no desire to wear her skin for a suit. (She does have beautiful skin. But I can't sew.)

No, I want to drink wine in our pajamas together and design matching unicorn tattoos, and perhaps be lucky enough one day to catch her live. (Los Angeles needs some Sara Benincasa in its life. Trust me.)

I will have to put our time of puppies and kittens and rainbows on hold, and in the meantime, enjoy her take on  Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) and explore my awkward and confusing feelings toward her Sarah Palin.

Internet friends, may I present my GirlCrush: Sara Benincasa.

You're welcome.

And the winner is...

If you saw me last night, you know the answer to this.

Today's Red Carpet Dress for the Streamys is:

So I'll see you soon, wearing this:

(But I'll have a head.)

You can watch the Streamys LIVE (and cheer on Valemont) at 5:30 PST here!

Edited to add: My head looks something like this:

Power of the Purse.

What is the arrow pointing to?

If you guessed "boobs" you'd be right...mostly. Because any woman knows that the arrow is also pointing at a purse. A place to stash money, ID, and if you're me at the Paul F. Tompkins Show* last night, our tickets. 

Of course, as evidenced from the photo above, it's easy to get stuff lost in there. It took me a second to locate our admission - much to the horror of a gentleman standing outside the venue. It's not like I flashed a nipple of anything. That only happens when I use them to stash my car keys.

*One of the funniest shows in Los Angeles. You can also see PFT in The Thrilling Adventure & Supernatural Hour, which is the other funniest show in Los Angeles. Plus you have the added benefit of seeing me and Will. So we'll see you next month?

You Have Been Warned.

When I was in college, Wednesday nights were sacred. The TV snapped on at 8pm (or was it 9? Apparently it wasn't sacred enough that I remember) and my friends and I prepared to worship at the altar of Aaron Spelling.

90210
(or Nine-Oh, to my friends.)

 

Even though I was an Andrea, I totally rocked the Kelly look.

But Nine-Oh was just the hors d'oeuvres, the soggy pig-in-a-blanket to the main course mac-n-cheesiest:

MELROSE PLACE

 

Melrose Place was awesome, because, y'see, after college I was moving to Los Angeles! Billy could be my roommate, and I could watch, mesmerized, as he practiced soccer shirtless and the pool of sweat collected in his strangely-shaped bellybutton (ew.) Allison would be my best friend, who would listen to me for countless hours while I crushed hard on Matt. I would secretly want to befriend Jo and would totally be taken advantage of by Sydney.

THIS WAS GOING TO BE MY LIFE AFTER COLLEGE!

 

College graduation, 1994. Melrose Place here I come!

Except that when I moved to Los Angeles, I soon discovered the only thing that Melrose Place, the actual location, and Melrose Place, the show had in common was that it was made of up 99% white people. The actual Melrose Pl. was littered with antique stores, ivy-covered buildings, and too many Rolls-Royces to count.

I've lived in Los Angeles for 14 years now, and my life hasn't exactly turned out like Melrose Place. There hasn't been any drama, like a whirlwind romance that resulted in us getting engaged after five weeks, and then getting married five months later...

Okay, but I don't have a crazy Kimberly who blew up my apartment building. I have a hoarding landlady who could possibly set the place on fire.

Maybe I don't live in Melrose Place. But I'm MP-Adjacent - at the Hobo Camp next door.

Melrose Place is back tonight at 9pm on the CW! And I may or may not be live-tweeting it!

You have been warned!

Blogger Prom Wrap-Up.

I went stag to my Senior Prom:

Posing with Older SlackBrother J. 1990

I went married to my Blogger Prom:

With Will, last Thursday. Photo by Lisa.

Last Thursday was Blogger Prom, held on the rooftop of the West Hollywood Andaz Hotel. It was an amazing evening, and I don't say that just because there was delicious food, free specialty cocktails, cheap valet parking and the fact that we won the best raffle prize in the Universe.

Will & I win the Edison booze raffle prize.
(The spot on my arm is my stamp to get in and out of the party.)

The thing I love about meeting bloggers IRL is that at the core of it, we're all dorks. I know that for some, the name of the game is monetizing and SEO and branding, and there's nothing wrong with that. But there's always the person - and personality - behind the blog.  And bloggers have big personalities (or is that just me?)

I recently heard someone complain about a "cool kids" clique in the blogging world, because a group of bloggers "got more hits" than they did.

To which I respond: being popular on the Internet may be awesome. But it's also dorky. 

Let's just embrace our awesome dorkiness, people.

Outside of my most favorite person (Will) I had a chance to hang out some of my favorite people I had already been lucky enough to hang our with before: Lisa, Kim, David, Travis, Joz, Mary, Andy, but I also got to finally meet some of the people I have been virtually stalking for ages: Julia, Lucinda Michele, Mike, Caroline, Lindsay, Laurie Percival, AVFLox, as well as meeting some new bloggers: Hot Pink Manolos, LetMeEatCake, GreenLAGirl and Foodwolf.

(I'm sure I'm forgetting someone, mea culpa!)

We may be a bunch of dorks, but we're hot, funny dorks. And the women in this community make me want to form some sort of amazonian cotton-panty pillowfighting army.

Let me know if you want to sign up.

I do know that some bloggers were upset that they were not invited to the Prom, but the Prom Committee did put out the word on Twitter a good six weeks before invites went out. Space was limited, and I could see why because from the second we walked in to the moment we left with our swag bags, it was a night to remember. The Prom Committee worked their butts off.

THANK YOU PROM COMMITTEE!

2009 Blogger Prom Committee
Caroline of Caroline on Crack
Esther of e*starLA
H.C. of LA and OC Foodventures
Lindsay of LAist
Marni of Happy Go Marni
Maya of Shop Eat Sleep
Natalie of The Liquid Muse
Tara of When Tara Met Blog

My Blogger Prom photos can be found here, and everyone's photos in the Blogger Prom Flickr Pool.

Explaining the Finer Points of Twitter to Jon Heder

Check out more behind-the-scenes on Whrrl. And check out Matt's (Josh Gad) first vlog on WokeUpDead.tv.

...

And don't forget to catch Will and I tonight at 8pm PST for BetheMarriage, LIVE! (On Ice!)