Wednesday night, 11:45pm
Will and I are getting ready for bed. Daisy J. Dog has already staked out her claim, stretched out in a perfect line, her head burrowed deep beneath the covers. She'll sleep this way for most of the night, until she jumps off the bed for her 3:30am paw chewing.
Will: She better be good.
Me: She's always good.
Will: Unless she's bad.
Me: You have to admit, she's been much better.
Will: Until she jumps off the bed in the middle of the night.
Me: But I'm the only one who wakes up for that.
Will: Yeah, but then she jumps back on top of the tuckies and pulls them off me. She's a tuckie bandit.
Me: ...tuckies?
Will: They're called tuckies!
Me: So why don't we just sleep with a second blank-tuckie, and that way you have a backup?
Will: I don't want a backup! I refuse to sleep with two tuckies!
Me: Have you ever slept in a hotel?
Will: You know I have.
Me: Then you've slept with two tuckies.
Will: I work too long and too hard to have my tuckies stolen by a dog in a bed that I paid for!
Me: Okay.
Will: Okay?
Me: Okay. Except that you know that I paid for the bed, right?
Will: Well--
Me: And the headboard. And the pillows.
Will: ...
Me: And the tuckies.
Will: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
Friday Morning, 4:00am
I wake up and realize that I am freezing. The only thing I have to cling to for warmth is my loyal dog, Daisy. I turn over to discover that Will has stolen all the tuckies.
Tuckie bandit, indeed.
