Last night, before bed:
Will: [noticing that I'm still reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Klay] I can't read how you do.
Me: How's that?
Will: In short bursts. I have to sit down for a couple of hours. Y'know, plan.
Me: The only time I have to read is before bed. And not reading is not an option.
Will: If I was a Caveman, I wouldn't read. I wouldn't paint on the walls of my cave, either. I'd do nothing.
Me: [half-listening]: Mmmhmm.
Will: Or I'd do something cool, like invite the wheel. Or discover fire!
He sits back in bed as only a man smug with the knowledge that if he had been born millions of years earlier, he could have discovered fire can be. I put my book down.
Me: Honey, you wouldn't have discovered fire.
Will: Yes, I would have!
Me: No, you wouldn't. You would have been left on a rock to die because you were a preemie. You would have been eaten by wolves.
Will: You're a jerk.
Me: I'm just telling the truth.
Will: Then you know what? I'm gonna discover fire, then put it out, then throw myself off a cliff! So you'll KNOW there was fire, but you won't be able to figure it out yourself! Whaddya think of that?!
Me: So in your dream scenario, the one that you can have anything happen? The one you get to fantasize and make up and control every little last bit?
Will: Yeah?
Me: It ends with you throwing yourself off a cliff out of spite.
Will: I hate you.
(In happier times, before he threw himself off a cliff.)
