Every so often, he Universe highlights the ways in which I am a terrible human being. I know this is surprising to exactly four of you who think that in my spare time, I'm out there solving cancer. So for those four of you (the rest of you can just sit back and nod, smug in the fact that my comeuppance is bound to comeup)
It's a Good Thing She's Pretty:
Yesterday I took Daisy the WonderDog out for her afternoon constitution. Normally, Daisy looks something like this:
One too many?
Of course, we don't have a yard, but if we did, I assure you, that's what she'd look like right now.
However, Daisy can be wooed out of her slumber by a multitude of things: the sound of Will getting cookies in the kitchen (she's partial to vanilla Jo-Jos), the doorbell, and the word "outside." While on these daily strolls, she leaves peemail wherever she goes (lifting her leg, natch - there's more than one alpha bitch in this house), she says hello to all of the neighborhood children, and she checks under cars for cats.
Y'see, Daisy hates cats. Hates. Cats. In fact, Daisy has a whole stand-up comedy bit on cats that goes something like this:
Why did the cat cross the road? Because CATS are STUPID!
(I've got her with a comedy coach, working on some additional material.)
Cats get the freeze-point-bark-flip out-jump-twist-bark treatment.
Until yesterday.
Yesterday, we walked in a different directions, a few streets up and a few streets over. There was new grass to eat and new places to pee...when she saw them.
Cats, standing on pillars. Six feet in the air, one paw raised. Teeth cared, ready for battle.
She looked up incredulously. It...it couldn't be! She sniffed precariously, reared back, and sniffed again. She jumped, then froze, then jumped. The cats didn't move an inch.
THEY WERE NOT AFRAID OF HER.
That's because they looked like this:
Now you may be saying to yourself, "Self, that doesn't make slackmistress a terrible human being! In fact, it makes me want to send her a shoebox full of twenties! Or print out the flatmistress and take pictures with her! Or buy SlackStuff!" But no, my friends, that's not what makes me terrible.
What makes me terrible is that I took her back there again today.
Don't forget this Saturday night...BetheMarriage LIVE! (On Ice!) 8pm PST. Cancel your plans with Actual Human Beings and come hang out with us. We're funnier, anyway. And we won't drink your booze. (Unless you want us to.)
ABD = All But Dissertation. A play on this. Great, now that I had to explain the joke, it's not funny. Thanks, jerks.
