Who Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

My friend Carla and I always said that once we hit 65, we were retiring to Florida and bagging groceries at adjoining registers at the Piggly-Wiggly.  It was between that and wearing a turban, drinking martinis by the pool and banging the pool boy.

Now that I'm married, so the pool boy scenario is out.  The Piggly Wiggly is still a strong prospect, as is the Slackmistress' Home for Elderly Pit Bulls.  Maybe somewhere in there Will and I will become the couple at the ballpark who shakes their angry fist at those damned kids while gumming our shared bag of peanuts.

Today I had my first eye exam in four years so they insisted on dilating my pupils*.   I forgot my sunglasses, so I had to rock the little old lady sunglasses for the way home.

The Ghost of Christmas Future:

Part Roy Orbison, part Whatever-Happened-to-Baby-Jane?

What kind of old person d'you want to be?

*Check out the email I sent Will from my Blackberry here.  And please use the term "afterboob" at least once today. 

Comments

[Karen]

A hot one. Who gets lots of young male ass.

[Jodi]

Ah...The Pig...I think your new scenario with Will and a bunch of old gassy Pit Bulls sounds much better!

[the slackmistress]

@Jodi: If I could figure out a way to harness pit bull farts into energy, I'd be a gazillionaire!

[Sarah]

I want to be an old crazy who just says whatever they feel like even if it's totally rude. That's what my grandpa did, and I think it made life more exciting for him.

[sizzle]

You are super hawt in those shades, lady.

I know I will probably end up a homemaker kind of grandma who sends cards and checks to all her grandkids, makes cookies and plants flowers, maybe spends evenings watching The Price is Right and sipping a whiskey and cola.

But I'd kind of like to dream I will be an asskicker who is feisty into her last years, still active and flirting shamelessly with people.

[Lydia]

Hm. I think I probably won't be much different as an old person as I am a not-yet-old person. I'm not positive what that says about the me that is now, but I like to think it's good.

[Annika]

My ideal old lady scenario involves a convertible, Manic Panic, and cocktails for breakfast.

[melissa]

My ideal old ladyhood involves Hawaii and big flowy caftans (to cover my afterboob) a la the Golden Girls. I hope to have acquired a taste for martinis by then, because I would look classy wearing a caftan and holding a martini on my ocean view lanai.

[kermit]

hopefully by the time i turn into a crotchety old walter matthau geyser, i will have learned how to apply eyeliner and makeup without looking like a coked-up raccoon, so the only trashy thing about me on my harley will be my leopard hotpants.

apparently i will be that old until i get to drive a motorcycle since my parents are currently against it, adamantly so.

thus far i have failed to convince them of the practicality of not having to look for a parking space, so i'm guessing i have to wait for both of them to croack before i can buy one.

[Mandy]

I want to be one of a group of little old ladies. The kind that only has 1 husband between them . He shall drive us to the mall & hold our purses whist we powerwalk & shop.

[justJENN]

DAHAHAHAH
Those specs.
DHAHAHAHAHA

[Stephanie]

I think I want to go to Annika's old lady-dom. The only thing I'd have to aquire is a convertable!

[Joelle]

Skyyyyyy rockets in flight! Ahhhh... Afterboob delight!

[Ashleigh]

I wear BIG sunglasses at night so I can....

ha.ha.

Have a good afterboob!

=D

[Yeti9000 (aka Tomás)]

Rocking shades, chica!

In answer to your query, I think I wanna be that old Cuban dude sitting in a park in Miami playing checkers and drinking mojitos. The only problem is that I hate checkers, am not wild about Miami and am not remotely Cuban. But I do love me some mojito action...so, I guess one of four ain't bad...

[Tag]

I am gonna be that old man firing bird shot from a 12 guage at random teens, cussing out those "damn kids."

Of course I'll be doing that from the top of mini ramp on my skateboard with punked out hair.

Fuckin' kids..they are lazy ignorant fuckers...

Who am I kidding? I'll be that old guy selling herb to the high schoolers...hell, teaching them how to grow the shit and dry it. After all, teach a man to fish...

[Gar]

I want to be that old guy with my four hot senior ladies. In between the hot monkey love, I'll drive them to the Mall, and hold their purses while they power walk. ;)

Say Ms Slack, have you ever checked out the "CeltX" screen writers program, on any given afterboob?

[Belinda]

This is hilarious to me, because my great-grandmother whore giant glasses which my sister and I referred to as "her Roy Orbison glasses." Awesome.

[Belinda]

OMG, my great-grandmother did not "whore" giant glasses. What would that even mean? She wore them. WORE them.