Some people get annoyed by bad drivers or people on cell phones at the gym. While such issues register on my radar, it's just as easy for me to tune them out. However, there are some things I just absolutely, totally, one-hundred-freaking-percent can not get over.
Manners.
I'm not talking elbows off the table, using the right fork or the correct stemware (says the girl who drinks champagne out of a juice glass), but some common-sense basics.
Say thank you. I don't think that ever good deed demands a handwritten note inked in blood and sent via carrier pigeon, but I don't think it's too much to expect an email thanking the giver for their kindness.
Bring something if you're asked. If the invitation requests that you BYOB, or a dish to pass, bring a what you're drinking or a dish to pass. And while we're on the subject...
Bring something, part two. If it's a gift occasion (wedding, birthday, etc.), unless you have been specifically told not to bring anything, bring something. That doesn't mean big or expensive. One of my favorite gifts from the wedding is a hand-written note a friend wrote us.
RSVP. Sooner than the day of the party, please. In the age of Evite, I'm shocked at how many people don't RSVP at all.
People who use the "I'm just brutally honest" as an excuse to be an asshole. If you're trying to hurt someone's feelings, have the nuts to go for it. But don't couch an insult or character assassination as "telling it like it is." It's called tact.
Everything is empowering.
Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of empowerment (although I hate the word.) Shining a light on those who have remained in the dark, not only accepting but inviting those who have felt marginalized or ostracized truly is progress. Knowing who you are and choosing what to do with your life and your body, and feeling good and strong about that is a wonderful thing. But sometimes it feels like the 'empowering' choice is taken in lieu of actually examining the choices we make, or why we feel what we feel.
But now everything is automatically empowering, without looking for the reasoning behind it. Taking your clothes off for money is empowering. No-strings-attached fucking is empowering. You-Go-Girl (and Boy) bravado - nothing's wrong with me, they're clearly the ones who are screwed up - is empowering.
While I don't believe in constantly blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong, the fact is that we are formed by our choices. And we don't always make the rights ones. But the Empowerment Pendulum seems to have swung so far that instead of taking some responsibility when we make the bad choice, we celebrate as Not My Fault. A friendship break up? They're mental. The boy likes her and not you? She's a whore. You go on a date and it doesn't work out? They're messed up!
Sometimes things aren't empowering. They just are.
Naturally, I'm positive that I have been guilty of all of these at one point or another. In fact, I am about to write a letter of apology to one couple who is still gracious and kind enough to extend me their friendship even though I haven't been the best friend back. I'd prefer to be perfect, but for right now I'll have to settle for being a self-aware shitheel. I'm working on it. But before I do that, I have to go brush my teeth. My teeth which could lead an Army, they're so damned empowered.
