This morning, 10:30am:
slackmom: Any more wedding business before we leave?
slackmistress: Yes, will you ask Slack S-i-L M. if SlackNiece J. needs a high chair for the reception dinner? And do I need to ask about a child's plate, or will she be eating off her own plate, or will she want dinner like everyone else?
slackmom: She'll probably eat off her mom's plate.
slackmistress: But could you ask M.? That way I know exactly what she wants and it's one less phone call I have to make.
slackmom: And I think a high chair would be fine.
slackmistress: But if you ask her then we'll know exactly what she wants, as opposed to what we think she might want.
slackmom: But I think---
slackmistress: Please, just do me this favor. You asked what I need, I can't be any clearer.
slackmom: Fine.
slackdad: So what did you think of Mel's apology?
slackmistress: Who is Mel and what is he apologizing for?
slackdad: [aggravated]: Mel Gibson? For being drunk and the anti-semitic remarks.
slackmistress: Okay, sorry, I didn't know you guys were on a first-name basis!
slackdad: You don't have to be a jerk!
slackmistress: He's the alcoholic anti-semite and I'm the asshole?
slackdad: C'mon, I really want to know what you think!
slackmistress: I think I just want to eat my eggs.
...
This afternoon, 1:55pm:
[cell phone rings, it's slackmom. She lets me know that she gave younger slackbrother j. two checks to cover the parking tickets that we both got at breakfast this morning. I thank her and she hands the phone to slackdad.]
slackmistress: Hello.
slackdad: Are you missing me?
slackmistress: You just left.
slackdad: I know, are you missing me?
slackmistress: No.
slackdad: I can see why you write and you don't act.
slackmistress: Yesterday, didn't you tell Will about how you appreciate when people aren't bullshitters? That you gotta just say what you mean?
slackdad: Yeah, but I wasn't talking about you!
...
Friday, 5:45pm:
I ordered a few prints off of my Flickr, which showed up in Friday's mail.
slackmom: [looking through photos] You have a nipple slip in one of these.
slackmistress: I do not!
slackmom: [handing me photo] Then what's this?
I have 675 photos on my Flickrstream, which has been viewed over 33,000 times, and this is the first I'd noticed it. And here I thought my fans cared!
