Daisy J Dog gets give pills every morning (3 anti-dementia pills, 1 Cushing's med, and a chewable antibiotic that she refuses to chew so I have to split it in two.)
We start with salami. Wrap delicious, delicious pork around a pill. She gets one down that way, then wises up. She spits out all salami. She won't even look at it. She runs away if I say the word "pig."
We move to cheese. To ground beef. To peanut butter. To peanut butter with honey. She is on a full-borne hunger strike. I finally put the pills in her mouth and rub her throat so she'll swallow. She slumps onto the ground in passive resistance mode and hides pills in the corner of her cheeks. We get everything down but the antibiotic. An antibiotic that she will be on long-term, because of an infection in her spine.
Ninety minutes have elapsed and I am at an impasse with a 15-year-old dog who is giving me serious "FUCK OFF AND DIE." She will not look at me. She will not listen to me. She will not come near me.
I head into the kitchen, ignoring her. I get out a slab of grassfed steak that was meant to be dinner for me and betheboy tonight, one of the rare red-meat for dinner nights.
I cook it on the stove, and Daisy sniffs the air. She's curious.
I take the steak off the pan still bloody. I slice if in half and make a slit in the meat. I place half the pill in there. The other half of the meat I place back on the pan with a sprinkle of mozzarella cheese.
As it cooks, the cheese weeps over the side of the meat, and Daisy is really interested now. She's waiting at the edge of the kitchen, ears at attention, mouth slightly open, her cloudy eyes darting back and forth as I work.
I pull the meat off the pan and place it on top of the meat pill pocket. The oozing cheese cements the pieces together. I let it cool and place the treat - essentially a grilled cheese with grassfed steak instead of bread - in her bowl.
Daisy gobbles it down.
Two hours have elapsed since we first began. Tomorrow we will begin anew. But Daisy will eventually figure out the ruse, and my culinary adventures will once again be put to the test.